How to Stop the Feelings of Guilt when Decluttering

Gifts are tokens of love and appreciation, but what happens when they don’t fit into our lives or homes?

In this episode of The Simple Joy Show, I dive into the delicate dilemma of decluttering gifts without hurting the giver’s feelings. Explore the true essence of gift-giving, strategies for open communication, and meaningful ways to pass on items that don’t align with your space.

As we journey together, discover how to cherish sentiments over objects, ensuring your home remains a guilt-free sanctuary.

USEFUL LINKS:

The Art of Thoughtful Gift Giving Blog Post: https://simplejoy.co.uk/2017/12/07/thoughtful/

Instagram: www.instagram.com/hellosimplejoy

How to Get Started Decluttering When Overwhelmed PDF: https://hub.simplejoy.co.uk/overwhelmed

Facebook Group: The Simple Living Society: www.facebook.com/groups/thesimplelivingsociety

Shop: https://hub.simplejoy.co.uk/shop

Transcript

Hayley Forster [00:00:00]:

Today, we’re gonna explore a very specific yet widespread challenge that many of us face when we’re decluttering and that’s the dilemma of letting go of gifts that you may not need, use, or love out of fear of offending or hurting the giver’s feelings. And, yes, it’s a sensitive area, but trust me when I say that there is a way to navigate it gracefully, and that’s exactly what we’re gonna cover in today’s episode.

Hayley Forster [00:02:11]:

But without further ado, let’s get into the topic of today’s episode. I’m gonna be continuing the topic that I’ve been covering for the past couple of weeks, and that’s the decluttering fears that we have come up for us when we start the decluttering process that might stop us from even starting or continuing our decluttering journey. And today’s one is very specific. It’s about the fear of feeling guilt or obligation towards people who may have gifted us an item that we don’t really need, want or really like,

Hayley Forster [00:03:12]:

and that can be a really difficult one because gifts are unique. They symbolize thought, care, and perhaps the bond that we have with the person that has given us that gift as well. And that really is where the conundrum is. What do you do with a well meaning gift that actually really doesn’t resonate with you, your personal style, or your lifestyle as well, and that be really difficult to contend with. And what usually ends up happening is that we end up keeping it in our home because of that fear of guilt of feeling bad that someone has spent their well earned money and taken time to choose a gift for you. They’ve given it to you for a special occasion, and you’re just being very nonchalant about it and just getting rid of it. That guilt can really weigh on your shoulders to the point where it stops you actually choosing what you want to do with it, and you just end up keeping it in a cupboard or on a shelf and not really using it. So how do we overcome this? The first thing is to acknowledge sentiment.

Hayley Forster [00:04:21]:

Before that item, before that gift comes in your home, it starts as a thought. It starts as an emotion from the gift giver to you. So understanding and really valuing that thought and that emotion behind it is the first step. Really the item itself is secondary to the sentiment that it represents. So by acknowledging the sentiment from the giver, we’re giving the gift it’s due honor, we’re ensuring that we understand that this was a feeling, was an emotion from somebody, not necessarily just the physical item itself. At the end of the day, a gift is given so someone can show that they care about you. And then when you accept the gift, you thank the gift, and the love behind it they’ve provided to you, the gift then really has served its purpose. So after that, it belongs to you and you get to decide if that then is something that you want to stay in your home or something that you need or something that you want. So take a moment to reflect and evaluate its place in your home.

Hayley Forster [00:05:28]:

Ask yourself, does the gift fit in with your present lifestyle, with your present values, does it align with the aesthetics and the functionality of your home as well? It might not be your style. And if that is the case, it’s okay to consider passing it on. And beyond that, think about what the gift giver would want you to do. Do you think that they would want you to keep that gift that they’ve given you in your home just because because they gave it to you? And would they even remember that they gave it to you to begin with? As hard as it might be, if someone in your life does expect you to keep everything that they give you, that might be the time when really some boundaries and some clear communication is required on your part. And you might wanna consider some open dialogue at this point, and that can be quite a delicate step. And I’ve never really felt need to to do this yet, but if you are contemplating parting with a gift and you think that it might come up in a future conversation with the person that’s giving you that gift, then honesty obviously is the best approach. So just approach the discussion and have the conversation that you’re planning on having with them with kindness and gratitude and just explain to them, “I really love that you gave me this gift and it’s really thoughtful for you, and I love the sentiment behind it.”

Hayley Forster [00:06:47]:

But then just share your journey of decluttering and why you’re choosing to do it and just explain your decision behind it and just try to ensure that the the giver knows that you’ve really truly cherished the gift that they have given you and the thought behind it, but at this moment in time in your life, it’s just not really fitting with your lifestyle or your values or your style in your home. And just be really honest about it, because be honest, we all buy gifts for other people and sometimes we don’t really know what to get them, and that might be the case for the person that has given you that gift. They might not have necessarily known that it’s something that you would like. And actually the feeling that they have behind it might not be as much as they would have, wanted to be had they bought something that they knew you would truly love and value. So you’re probably worrying a little bit too much about what the other person would probably think about that item to begin with. But as I say, honesty is the best policy.

Hayley Forster [00:07:46]:

And if you feel they need to, feel free to have that discussion with the person that is giving you that gift. But as I say, I don’t really feel as though I’ve come upon an instance where I need to have that discussion at all, but the option is there if you feel as though you need it. At the end of the day, it is up to you to decide if it’s worth holding on to that gift that ultimately is going to turn into clutter to just to keep the peace, or is it worth having an honest conversation and setting clear boundaries that’s gonna serve you better in the long run. You might even have the discussion about gift giving with your family, I would say, look, we’re at a stage in life where we’ve got everything that we could possibly want, our lives and our home are full of wonderful stuff, so if if you feel as though you want to give a gift, I’m not asking for a gift, but if it’s something that you want to provide and want to give for those special occasions, then feel free to to give was something like consumables like wine, chocolate, food, something like that, or even it might just say that you could contribute with vouchers perhaps, and then it’s up to you then what you use those vouchers on, and you can bring something in your home that is valuable to you in the moment and something that you actually need that perhaps they would never even thought about getting you.

Hayley Forster [00:09:23]:

But have those discussions with the people in your house and your home and also the the close family network of family and friends you’ve got around you, and have those honest discussions and those conversations about what you want to do going forward in the future. And I would say my last point on this is that letting go of items and gifts that people have given, doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re gonna throw it away. If the item is in good condition and it just doesn’t serve you, really, you’ve got to remind yourself that it could be great value to somebody else. So different ideas that you could do with any of the gifts – you could just recycle them. So if it’s got recyclable components, just ensure it’s processed responsibly. My favorite things to do are not necessarily to recycle. It’s to donate or regift.

Hayley Forster [00:10:46]:

So if it’s something that I can give to a charity shop or a community centre, they all love recieving items that are in good nick, and your gift really could make a real difference in someone’s life. So instead of it being in a cupboard or on a shelf in a home being of no use to anyone, why not gift it to somebody that is actually gonna make use of it. And there’s plenty of charities and community centres out there that will take items in. And then also the re gifting side of it, just because the item wasn’t right for you, it doesn’t mean that it’s not going to be a perfect match for somebody else out there. So you can look just see if the the item finds a home elsewhere and if you don’t have anyone close around you that you can regift items to, consider looking on Facebook, we’ve got a couple of local groups that are it’s kinda like free cycle really where you just pop a post up and you just say, I’m not selling this. It’s completely for free, would anyone be interested in this? And I’ve used that multiple times for not just things perhaps that I would be regifting, but anything in my home that I want to give away that is actually in pretty good condition that I’ve given away some of my my daughter’s wellies that she’s grown out or there’s an old suitcase, things like that.

Hayley Forster [00:12:08]:

So just have a little look on your social media for any local groups that you could choose to gift or any local charities or community centers that you can donate to as well. So just to wrap this episode up, what I would just say is that your home should be your personal sanctuary. And the big thing that I’m really passionate about is making sure that your home is comfortable for you to live in and that you feel safe and secure and healthy and not anxious at all, and your home really should be your place to feel comfortable and it should reflect who you are as a person and as a family. And this shouldn’t become a space where you keep things out of guilt or obligation, and every item in your home should either bring you joy, bring you happiness or it’s something that actually serves a purpose and you actually use it. And as we go through the journey of decluttering and going through the decluttering process, it’s those principles that really should guide your choices and not the feeling of guilt and obligation. It should be all about the positive emotions and feeling, like, how does this make me feel? If it makes me feel good or I put it to use in some positive way, then it stays. Anything that is connected to a negative emotion, then we can work our way through those and ultimately, try to eliminate them from our homes as much as possible.