Your Minimalism, Your Rules: Breaking Free from the Comparison Trap

In this episode of The Simple Joy Show, I tackle one of the most common challenges on the road to minimalism—the comparison trap. How do you navigate the world of minimalism when there are no set rules, just endless examples?

How do you avoid feeling “less than” when someone else’s minimalism seems so much more “impressive” than your own?

Join me as we delve into why minimalism is a deeply personal journey with no one-size-fits-all solution. I explore how to identify what truly matters to you, why there are no official “rules” to minimalism, and how you can evolve your minimalist lifestyle over time without fear of judgement.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by the pressure to “do minimalism right,” this episode is your permission slip to break free. Learn how to define your own version of a simplified life, one that brings you joy, focus, and freedom.

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Transcript

Hayley Forster [00:00:00]:

Hello, and welcome back to the Simple Joy Show. Today, I’ve got a really special episode that I think is gonna resonate with so many of you. We’re gonna dig in what minimalism looks like for you. Not your neighbor, not Stacy on Instagram, but for you. Minimalism isn’t a one size fits all solution. It’s a personal journey. And today, I’m gonna go talk about how you can navigate this unique path without falling into that intimidating comparison trap. So let’s dive in.

Hayley Forster [00:01:40]:

One of the best things about looking for a simpler, more minimalist life, is that your version of minimalism really can be unique and personal to you. It’s not necessarily gonna look like any other person’s version of minimalism, and that’s perfectly okay. Minimalism isn’t about following someone else’s rules. It’s about figuring out what’s important to you and your family and then getting rid of everything that’s distracting you from focusing on that. So whatever you decide is important to you, that’s gonna be so unique and so personal to you that no one else’s version of minimalism is gonna look like that, and that’s what’s special about it.

Hayley Forster [00:02:43]:

But I think what can end up happening is that when you’re just starting out on your minimalism journey, you decide that there’s too much in your life, and you want to start getting rid of things and focusing on those important things, is that you start to look around at others for inspiration. I did this. I would be looking on Instagram, looking at blogs, on Pinterest, trying to see how other people were living minimally. How were they eliminating things from their lives? How were they focusing on what was important? How did they know what was important? But that then also makes it really easy to fall into the comparison trap because you’re looking at other people and trying to gain inspiration. But you’re seeing what other people do, how much they’re living with and how much they’ve got rid of. And yes, it encourages you to be more ruthless in getting rid of things when decluttering and simplifying your life, but it can be really hard to let go of what you feel like you should be doing or how a minimalist is supposed to look. And there are so many people out there that live minimalist lives to to take inspiration from. But how do you know that that’s right for you? When I was originally looking, there was plenty of people out there that were what I would call extreme minimalists, where they would say, “I only live with 50 items in my home”, and that initially was, “oh, is is that what I’ve gotta get to?” And I suddenly realized that actually, that’s not what I wanted. That’s not how I wanted to live. I just wanted less.

Hayley Forster [00:04:09]:

I didn’t want to live with virtually nothing. And that’s a bit of a journey that you need to go on as well. Have a little look around and see how people live in these different lifestyles, but don’t necessarily look at them and think that that’s exactly how you’ve got to to do it. Because I realized there were no minimalism rules. There was no set guidelines and no one else could really tell me what minimalism was gonna look like for me and my family. Because ultimately, we all value different things. We’ve got different values individually and as a family, have different goals, different priorities, different lifestyles. We’ve all got different family sizes, different dynamics. But the key is to find the version of minimalism that works best for you.

Hayley Forster [00:04:53]:

I know you can’t see me, but I’ve put minimalism in air quotes, and that’s because it is subjective. It is something that is unique to you. But what you want to look for is creating more time and more space for what matters to you, and you’re not looking for a set of rules to follow that then is gonna add more stress to your life. Some people may look at me and think that I’m not a traditional minimalist because I don’t live with very minimal things in my home. My home is full of wonderful stuff, but it’s all stuff that I want to be there. It’s stuff that I appreciate, that I love, and things that I want to be in my life. So as far as I’m concerned, even though all our versions of minimalism are gonna be different from each other, we can still call ourselves minimalists if we’re actively working towards living a simpler, more minimalist lifestyle. My version’s gonna be unique to me because that’s what’s important and what’s valuable to me. Just as your version is gonna be unique to you based on what’s important and valuable to you.

Hayley Forster [00:05:54]:

So what I’m getting at here is that you can’t get minimalism wrong. If you’ve minimized down to what you feel is enough for you and your family, that’s your version of minimalism. And yes, it can shift and it can evolve over time. Maybe next year, you might want to minimize some more. Perhaps when the kids leave home, you want to minimize even more again or you might start having children and you’re gonna need a few more things in your life than you you previously did, but it all can still be minimalism. So, yes, by all means, learn from other minimalists, but then create your own version. It can be really helpful to read about or see other people’s version of minimalism to inspire you. And it’s really good to learn what they’ve encountered along the way, but just don’t copy someone else’s version of minimalism.

Hayley Forster [00:06:44]:

But if you’re just starting out on your minimalism journey or you’re feeling a little bit overwhelmed where you want to go with it. With a little bit of thought, you can figure out what you want your version of minimalism to look like. And it’s just by asking yourself Some key questions to really help you get clear about what you want your version to be and what you need to do in order to get there. So the first question you can ask yourself is why are you choosing minimalism? What is it that first led you to simplify and and to clutter in your life in the 1st place. What is motivating you to embrace this minimal lifestyle? Is it because you’re constantly tired of cleaning up your house or you’re just overwhelmed by the amount of things that it takes to to maintain your home and your lifestyle, Are you wanting to spend more time with your family and friends or your hobbies perhaps? Or you’re moving house and you need to get things sorted before you leave, or is it just that you find your days quite overwhelming and stressful? The second question to ask yourself is what is important to you. So you need to really figure out and get clear on what is important to you as a person, but also as part of your family as a whole. So what are your values, your goals, your priorities? And try and get really specific. Maybe it’s your family and you want to spend real quality time with them.

Hayley Forster [00:08:10]:

Maybe it’s your career and you want to focus on giving yourself time and space to pursue that and to get promoted. It might be a hobby that you love, but you want more time for, or perhaps you want to have more freedom so you could travel the world. For me, it was very much around being able to have more time and more energy and more patience to be with my children, be with my family. And in order to do that, I needed to create a home and a lifestyle that was just easier to maintain, that I was able to stay on top of chores and housework so that I could spend the time with my family without feeling stressed or guilty that I wasn’t doing stuff in my home. I didn’t want to spend the majority of my time in my life trying to maintain a house and doing all admin things. I want to use my time and energy on creating lovely memories and moments for my family. But, again, this is only something that you can decide. It’s gonna be different for each of us.

Hayley Forster [00:09:08]:

So you really need to clarify what it is that’s most important to you and what your key values are. So ask yourself, what is it that you’re trying to make more time and space for in your life by embracing minimalism? And then what you can do is just write it down, put it on a vision board perhaps. Just to remind yourself and help you stay motivated and inspired when you’re on your minimalism journey. And then the last question is, what does enough look like for you? And that’s something that usually you might need to figure out as you start the decluttering process. Start questioning what enough looks and feels like for you, so you can get rid of the right amount. And only you will know what is enough for you. Some people decide, as I mentioned earlier that they might wanna just live with 50 possessions.

Hayley Forster [00:09:58]:

For me, it was never a numerical value. It’s more about how it made me feel. And my home has got much more than 50 possessions, but it still makes me feel much calmer, much more content, and my life is so much more manageable. So there’s no right or wrong answer for what enough is. It’s just again figuring out what is right for you. Enough means that you’re only keeping things that add value to your life because you either use them regularly or they make you happy. After you’ve decided what enough looks like for you, it’s also a good idea to question and challenge your idea of enough quite regularly as well. And this is when it comes back to me saying that decluttering is a bit of a journey, and it’s not just one declutter and then that’s it.

Hayley Forster [00:10:44]:

You may wanna come back to things in the future, and you might wanna decide to get rid of certain things that perhaps a couple of years ago you wouldn’t have got rid of. You’re in a different season of life or perhaps you’ve just got so used to them being there that they’ve not noticed them before. So just regularly challenge your idea of enough and just consider if you could comfortably live with less than you already do. So by answering these 3 questions, it’s really gonna help you figure about what you want your version of minimalism to look like for your life. And it’s really important to remember that minimalism isn’t something that you just attain and then you’re done – tick. It’s a lifestyle that you adopt, and it’s gonna be something that you need to regularly maintain and keep that intention in order to sustain it. But knowing the answer to these 3 questions, it’s really gonna help you stay focused and stay motivated to continue living your version of minimalism. And also don’t forget that your version of minimalism can shift and change as your life changes as well.

Hayley Forster [00:11:43]:

It’s not static. It shifts and evolves with your life as you go through changes. So you might wanna come back to these 3 questions when you’re going through these lifestyle changes to just reassess how things have changed for you. So that’s it. The only right way to do minimalism is the way that serves you the best. If you’ve minimalized your life and you’re at a point where you feel free, you feel focused, then you have hit your version of minimalism, congratulations! But just remember that the ultimate goal is to give yourself the time, space, and freedom to enjoy your life, to enjoy the things and the activities and the people that you love and value the most. Thank you for joining me today, and I hope this episode has empowered you to find your own unique path to minimalism.

Hayley Forster [00:12:32]:

Until next time, keep it simple, keep it joyful, and I’ll see you next episode.